I would like to replace my teeth with crab-meat. I saw a pamphlet in my old dentist's waiting room that gave information on replacing your teeth with crab-meat, but I have since then moved across the country to Washington State; I have yet to find another dentist who has even heard of the procedure before.

Is this some East-Coast thing, or has this practice faded out?
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I believe that was my office you were at. Since you are unable to come back to my office for the pamphle, I'll instruct you on how with house-hold materials:

First, you need to go and buy the crabmeat, then store it in a freezer. Then, with the assitance of a friend (and alot of booze), remove all your teeth. Then, take the crab meat (still frozen), and use any super-glue and cover the meat with it, leave no spot unglued, and put them in your gums where your teeth used to reside.